The (Not-So) Simple Plan
by Deaf Blood
Summary: Chairman Drek has got an idea, but he has nobody to tell it to... Except that there is someone that is willing to listen to Drek's plan. However, the exact problem is that exact person! - Rated T for Drek's mouth.


(Warning: Spoilers for both the first game and the 2016 reboot.)

It was quite a peaceful evening in Quartu, that is unless you look to the highly polluting air that was basically making the Blarg sick of living in the planet. But Chairman Drek, as he said, was willing to find a new home for the inhabitants (not really),  
even if he had to destroy others to accomplish his goal. It was really extreme, but sacrifices must be made... And if you don't agree with him, you'd better be making a line behind him, and kiss his-

"Damn it! Those two can never give up?!" Drek said as he looked through the window. Again, one of his plans were destroyed by the heroic duo of Ratchet and Clank, who, by this point, had to search for Qwark to assist them. "Well, I guess it is time for  
some reinforcement- Oh nevermind, another horde of Blarg... gone. Ah, to hell with them!"

The Chairman began to walk in circles, wondering how his deplanetization plan could start. So he thought about inserting a plan within a plan... But what could be that plan? Drek kept thinking, motion still in circles, until it hit him.

"Yes... yes! This plan is perfect! It was everything I could've done from the start... oh, how dumb I am! Well, I don't care... However I need some help... let's just ask my Blarg!" He said, leaving his room, and looking through the building. There was  
literally nobody there, except for some Blarg. But they were just cleaners, security, and something like that. But then he remembered about someone. Of course, there WAS at least one person that who would listen to him, no problem in that. The problem  
was exactly that someone.

Sighing, Drek picked up his holo-phone, and quickly called the person. "Hello...?"

"Oh, hello there, Mr. Drek! What brings you to call me so late at night? I was watching some Lance and Jan-"

"Look, I don't give a shit about this stupid soap opera you're watching. I... well, you know. I just need you here. I got a plan that can put an end on these two nuisances that keep ruining all my plans! And DON'T, and I said, don't you dare to ignore  
me by turning the volume higher!"

"Ow! I'm sorry, Drek! Quickly coming!"

"Hm! You better!" That was what Drek said on the other line before hanging up. Quickly, Qwark practically jumped out of his couch, and quickly changed into his uniform. "Ugh! What does he need when the show is in the part where Lance is close to asking  
her for marriage..? Wait, Qwark... it could be an extra! No time to waste!"

(Some minutes later)

The ride to Drek's office was like hell. There was almost zillions of other ships in the way, which cost Qwark like an eternity to reach his destination... well, at least he could listen to the soap opera nonetheless. Quickly jumping out of the ship,  
Qwark stormed right in. Quite literally.

Hearing a door being broken, Drek sighed under his breath. "You're... late..." He looked at an exhausted Qwark. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"Oohh... I'm... e-excuse me, D-Drek... H-How many floors this damn building has? 700?! S-Sorry for my, well, sudden raise of voice, hehe! Hope you get it!"

"Well, shit. Well, since you ACTUALLY got to be here, then I got to tell you something." He said while making an evil grin, quickly pulling his chair towards the desk, ordering Qwark to do the same. "Captain Qwark, I must say that you've been doing a  
rather good job at maintaining your heroic image, but honestly, that won't be enough to convince two people, and here's how they look like." He started, picking up a photo of Ratchet and Clank. "THESE TWO DEVIANTS THAT KEEP EXTERMINATING MY BLARG!  
Do you even know how much bolts I gave my soldiers to work for me?"

"None?"

"Exactly, my little friend! Gettin' more and more smart as you learn how awesome being evil actually is, huh?" He said, patting Qwark's back. "And why don't you... try to, you know... ANNIHILATE THEM?!"

"Drek, you just said Nefarious' catchphrase!" He gasped, which was enough to remove an evil laugh from the executive.

"Ooh, you stupid little Qwark... Can't you learn? Evil phrases within evil phrases! I'm really sure that he wouldn't min- uh? Just gimme a second, shall you?" He said, picking up his holo-phone after a sudden ringing cut him off.

"Well, you STUPID BLARGHEAD, I actually mind you using my evil catchphrase, so STOP USING IT BEFORE I ANNIHI-"

"Ah, to hell with you, Nefarious! Do something useful like... CREATING FUCKING ROBOTS FOR ME?!" He yelled, hanging up soon after, before looking at Qwark with a false sympathetic face. "Ookay, Captain, now listen to my plan... I want you to go there,  
lead them to a trap, and BAM! The Lombax and his stupid defect little friend will be caged underground, so I can continue with my other plan of deplanetizating, until I can pollute the new planet, making this go full circle!"

"Whoa, but... this is mean!"

"Do you EVEN know who you're talking to?" Drek said, gripping Qwark by his collar, grunting. "It is supposed to be mean! I do this shit for money! And cash! Or, something in between... Yes... money and cash!"

"Aren't those two the same thing?"

"I'm not really good at synonyms, okay?!" He roared. "But who cares? You just need to trap these two, so I can go on!"

"But, what about my public image? I can't just trap them, and with lots looking! I would be ruined! And behind bars! A massive masculinity figure like me can't be humiliated by being behind bars! You're feeling me?!"

"Chill the hell out, Qwark... chill out. I'll try to find a place where nobody can suspect anything!" Drek said, fixing his suit. "And this is the ONLY time where I'm actually honest about something! And why wouldn't I honest with you? Well, you're my  
best man, Qwark!"

"Really?"

"Now I lied!"

"Awww..."

"And, whoa! It's getting way too late, eh? Well, it's been a good chat, but come on, you gotta leave! And remember, I want you to get these two trapped!" He said, quickly getting up, and pushing Qwark towards the door... if there was a door, since Qwark  
broke it. "And remember, Qwark! With sympathy! Good night, and, maybe now you can watch your soap opera! Now, goodbye, and get the fuck out!" He yelled, kicking him out, literally.

"Hmm... Okay, now I can watch Lance and Janice in peace without being bothered by plans!"

-/-

Alright, I guess I'm done here...! I must say thanks for the ones that liked my previous RnC fanfic "Chikin' Steve", you rock! Well, I just want to know if this one gets to be good for the general's liking... And sorry if some sentences are short, but  
english is not my first language (I'm from Brazil), and some of my grammar and sentences show that I actually suck balls at it. And also, I write from my goddamned phone, and trying to post it pisses me off. Well, I'm gonna get away for now! See y'all  
in the next fanfic, pals!


End file.
